Parents, I Want You to Want Each Other….for Your Kids’ Sake (by Matt McCauley)
Our students talk and ask a lot of questions about sex. It’s usually the go-to rabbit they like to chase during conversations that wander anywhere near relationships, marriage, manhood, womanhood and dating. And I don’t see this as a bad thing; after all it’s what God is getting their bodies ready for during puberty. In a span of less than two years (usually starting at age 12-13) they will go from children to physically, fully functioning adults. It’s part of maturing into adulthood. And sex is a beautiful gift from our Creator.
My struggle is that often I feel like I’m trying to fight a blazing wildfire with a squirt gun. The world around them is preaching lie after lie about sex and sexuality and the fight for their souls and sexuality feels like a losing battle. The statistics don’t make my day any brighter either. By age 15, one-fourth of all teens have had intercourse. By age 17 it’s up to half, and by the time they graduate high school, 70% of all teens will have lost their virginity. That’s almost 3 out of every 4 kids. A very defeating reality for me and proof that somewhere, somehow, they aren’t hearing and believing the truth about sex and what it truly is.
Sex, Drugs, and Rock n Roll
Last week I sat down with a father of a soon to be middle school girl and one of the questions he asked was, “What are some of the issues that will come up in the next couple of years of my daughter’s life?” “Great question,” I thought to myself. The first humorous response that popped in my head was “Sex, drugs, and Rock n Roll.” I didn’t say that obviously, but there was some truth in it. Sex will be a new subject at the dinner table in the next year or so, and I feel like we as adults who love Jesus and believe sex is a beautiful, yet powerful thing, are fighting the world’s take on it with the wrong ammo.
All around them, in music, TV, movies, and pop culture they see sex and sexuality and it is usually always connected with passion, interest, and strong infatuation. And this part of the equation is right. Sex is a powerful gift from the Lord. So strong in fact it’s what he decided two people would do and experience together in order to create a child. Think about it. God knows how important it is for a child to be born into and raised under a home with a mother and father present. So, in his infinite wisdom, he created something (sex) that would bond two people…for life. An act of ultimate, physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy. Sex is the glue that keeps two people (husband and wife) together. In marriage they actually become one. And it’s through that magical and mysterious act that a child is conceived. God is wise.
Where culture goes wrong and where our kids are led astray, is in the fact that it sells sex short. Intimacy is robbed and sex becomes just a physically pleasurable experience. No intimacy, no bond, no spiritual and emotional depth. The beauty of one woman and one man enjoying each other for the rest of their lives is lost.
Where We Go Wrong
And I think where we as believers go wrong in our teaching and instructing about sexuality is that we also sell sex short. I think if teenagers saw the same passion, interest, desire, and infatuation between a husband and wife, father and mother that they see on TV and in movies, the fight would turn in our favor. Now obviously there is a line here and by see I don’t mean something that will scare them for life (thank God I never walked in on my parents). But what I do mean looks something like this:
Husbands, when you come home from work is it obvious to your kids that you’ve been thinking about and desiring to be with your wife all day long? Is grabbing and holding the bride of your youth the first thing you want to do when you walk through the door after a long day away from her? Wives, do your kids see in your eyes a desire for your husband? Is it obvious that you long for him? Like Solomon’s bride in the Song of Songs do you lie in bed at night when he is away and become so filled with passion for him that you have to get up and roam the city looking for him? (SOS 3.1-4) Husbands and wives, are you both physically affectionate toward one another other in appropriate ways around your kids? Is it obvious beyond a shadow of a doubt that you two want and enjoy each other sexually? Are we fighting fire with a bigger, brighter, stronger flame? Or are we trying to put out the lies culture would tell them with a squirt gun.
No Thanks, I Want What My Parents Have
I think if kids saw this passion and desire and satisfaction between their parents and parents followed it up by teaching them that it’s within marriage that God designed sex to flourish and be enjoyed, kids would hear it. And when temptation and opportunity came knocking on their door, they would say something like this, “I’m gonna say no to this cheap imitation of what sex is because I’ve seen how enjoyable and satisfying it can be in my parents’ marriage. And I want that. So no thanks.”
Praying for your kids and for the flame in your marriage